Hospital Mom

I feel like I have a basketball in my stomach.

Long story short: Got shipped to hospital via ambulance for emergency appendectomy. There's more, but I don't really feel up for delving into the details.

I had the surgery Friday late night and was released from the hospital Sunday afternoon. I don't understand why I miss the hospital so much once I've gone home. I suppose it has something to do with feeling pampered and mothered around the clock. Now that I'm home, it's suddenly so quiet. All the responsibilities of being home come flooding back. I also have to depend on others to help with Thurston or get things done and it's extremely frustrating.

I felt this way after we took Thurston home from the hospital last year, except that was complicated with a cocktail of hormones flooding through my system. I think instead, I'm coming down from whatever crazy painkillers they gave me and the "mothering" effect of the hospital.

It's times like these I wish she were here. She was always my protector. I remember a trip to France with my parents as a 6-year-old. We were waiting in the elevator line to leave the Eiffel Tower and I felt sick to my stomach. My mother man-handled the crowd, forcing herself (and me) through, shouting, "I have a sick child here!" to get us down sooner. Another time, I was so cold from a fever, she took to microwaving towels to try and get me warm. One of them caught fire. It makes me smile to remember. A flood of emotions came back to me as I rested in the same hospital she was in when she started to get really sick. A blocked off memory resurfaced of her hooked up to breathing machines, tubes, and especially of her face after seeing mine. I couldn't help but tear up when I saw her and she looked back at me with such concern and helplessness. I knew she wanted nothing more than to comfort me at that moment and here she was, sicker than she'd ever been. The doctors shooed me out of the room because I was causing her upset.

I have so many questions I want to ask her now that I am a mother that go unanswered. It leaves a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach to know there is so much I can never know about her. Even hollower that she isn't here to see and hold her grandchild. She would have happily stolen him away this weekend so that Dave could have stayed by my side at the hospital. I was alone for my surgery, which probably upset Dave more than I. I feel this pit in my stomach more often than I realize and sometimes I can't even remember why. I block her out of my life because I want her so bad.

In reality, I am much better than this. I'm probably coming down from a kazillion effects of surgical drugs. It's the middle of the night and I feel tired, sore, bloated, and surprisingly unable to sleep in my own bed. Writing this out has also made me feel somewhat lighter-- as if I have been able to let go a little bit.

There's one last thing that I have to let go of: The antibiotics I am on are unsafe for breastfeeding. Thurston nurses infrequently now - just at night or occasionally when he sticks his arm down my shirt and demands it in his own cute way. I was happy to oblige because it meant cuddle time. It's so hard to let go of nursing, harder than I expected. A part of me wants to try and pump to keep from going dry until the 10-day dose is up but I know that's unrealistic. I just have to realize that this is the time.

Humbled Parent

You're in a restaurant and a child is screeching his head off while mother looks unconcerned. He drops his pacifier on the floor and she gives it merely a wipe-down before popping it into his mouth to shut him up. You lean over and whisper to your friend/date/spouse/other, "gosh, look at that terrible, no good, very bad mother! I would never do that if that was my child!"

Hahaha! Just wait until you eat your words. You'll do it all and not bat an eye.

Things I do that I swore I would never do as a mother:

1. Talk in third person, referring to myself as "mama". It gets worse...I do this when I'm not even around Thurston.

2. Let my child scream in public.

3. Feed crackers to my child to shut him up. Obviously, I'm going to be the perfect mother and find ways of entertaining my child while shopping, riding public transit, dining, etc. without resorting to feeding him salty, processed crackers. Right. Like that's going to happen. I tried the low-salt, plain boring crackers. He just throws those on the floor. He knows what the good stuff is.

4. Let my child eat food that has fallen on the floor.

5. Be that person in a crowded place with a large stroller.

6. Eat food my child has slobbered all over.

Yes, I am that person.

Blogging drought

I have no excuse other than I have too much to write, which overwhelms me so I don't write anything. It seemed logical at the time....

At Thurston's one year appointment, he weighed in at 21 lbs, 13 oz (35%). He's turning into a tank. Seriously! This guy's got some girth on him. It might have to do with the fact that he loves stuffing his face. The other day we were at a coffee shop and he managed to put a hunk of kiwi in his mouth. He looked up to me with his face all puffed out, full to the brim of kiwi and a bit of green sticking out between his lips. He grabs for another piece of kiwi and tries to stick it in his mouth as well. Obviously, this causes him some trouble and he ends up jamming it against his nose, kiwi juice running down his face. A girl standing next to me joins me in laughing hysterically and tells me we made her morning. This kid is a serious walking riot.

Today was our first day of daycare. As Dave and I have opposing schedules, we'll only need part time care (Monday, Thursday & Friday). Dave and I were both a bundle of nerves on Sunday. How would he do when he realized we weren't there? How would he nap? How were we going to deal with not having him toddling about all day? How were we all going to deal with an abrupt change in routine?

Well....overall we all dealt fairly well and came out unscathed. Dave dropped him off at about 9 and snuck out as Thurston was poking about his new surroundings. Apparently he didn't even notice we weren't there until an hour had passed. He ate well and even napped for a little over an hour. I picked him up at 4:30 and received a phone call from an anxious Dave at 4:45, who was curious about his little man. I think both our nerves are calm now.

I think daycare is going to be so good for him. There are three kids in his classroom - The Wobblers, for ages 1-2. The other kids seem friendly and interactive. The daycare providers teach them to be gentle, they're great at teaching language skills, sing songs, read, etc. I'm very thrilled with the staff and happy with the facilities. I'm also thrilled to open up our schedules a little bit, provide some additional family time, and increase our sanity.

Finally, and most excitingly, Thurston has begun walking. He took a few teensy steps here and there around his first birthday. Last Sunday, on a visit to Cory's, I plopped Thurston on the floor and he walked part way across the room to get to the chair. I thought it was a fluke, so I picked him up and plopped him back down. Again, he toddled across the floor. Each day, he's getting better and better at walking. It so exciting to watch him learn these new skills as he grins from ear to ear with pride.

We are 1 Year

Our little monster is one year old!

During our one year appointment, Thurston weighed 21 pounds, 12 ounces and 29 3/4 inches. This puts him into the 34th percentile in body weight and 50th percentile in length. He put on 2 pounds in the past month alone. What a chunker!

We had a wonderful birthday party and a fantastic family visit over the weekend. I'll have to recap on that at a later point but please enjoy the below photo montage of our first year....

Nearing One

I've been informed by multiple sources that I am a bad baby blogger. Oh how I've wronged you, poor blog....

Well Thurston bug had his first bad virus infection a few weeks ago which caused his fever to rocket sky high and my usual go-go-go child, want nothing more than to bury his head into my chest. It tore at my heart in a way I'd never expected. Luckily, his fever went away within a couple days. During our Doctor visit, he weighed 19 pounds 13 oz, which puts him in the 15th percentile. Woohoo, little chap!

Some recent child-rearing magic I just learned - apples and pears! Apples and pears are my salvation. This kid (remember he's a go-go-go all the time..) will sit calmly in the stroller for literally hours now if I am equipped with various baby snackage - namely apple or pear chunks. He'll bite off a hunk, suck on it for a bit, then spit out the pulp and peel. Not sure why...as long as I have a happy kid, I'm not going to question it. Of course, I'm on constant pear/apple pulp & peel clean-up duty. Small price to pay for child bliss.

And this means.....?

I can take him jogging in the stroller without nary a complaint. He's just chill as an ice cube as I'm running along...munch munch munch.

His hair's starting to come in more these days - mostly on the sides and top of his head. He's got cute old man hair. It kind of curls a bit in the thicker parts and sticks straight out after a long nap. As it grows in thicker and thicker it becomes more obviously red. Ha ha! I say to those who doubted me!

On the mobility front....

He likes to dance to hip-hop music. He'll sit there and start bouncing up and down to the beat. He's not so big on Dave's noise music but then....who would be? Seriously.

We're not walking yet....still. However, He'll walk around the entire room using the walls, furniture, random person's legs to stabilize himself against. He crawls like a maniac - you can hear him coming from the opposite side of the house.

Games....

Loves and I mean LOVES to play "high five". In fact, if you don't hit his hand enough times, he'll start reaching towards you squealing all mean and angry like. Loves to push chairs, small tables, etc. around the room. If he hits an obstacle, he'll walk around to the other side and push it in the opposite direction. He hoots and hollers with glee as he does this. Loves to throw toys into the bath tub. In fact, it really comes in handy when I need to take a shower. I plop a bunch of waterproof toys on the floor near the bath tub beforehand. As I'm showering he'll start dropping the toys into the tub one at a time. He never tires of this. Loves the assortment of peek-a-boo games. Oh and our favorite game....what is this small particle of shriveled food that I find on the floor and can I get it into my mouth fast enough? I can't sweep the floor fast enough.

Verbage hasn't really changed all that much except perhaps gotten more pronounced. He knows who "dada" is now but he absolutely refuses to say "mama" no matter how often we try to teach him.

Childhood Obesity

My mind's been pre-occupied with the notion of childhood obesity lately. The numbers are startling. I think I read somewhere that 1 in 3 children of today will eventually develop diabetes in their lifetime. As a mother, I want to feel like I have control over my son's nutritional profile (at least in his early years) but I can't control what he eats in the care of others or in school (when the time comes).

I know the damage that can be caused by too much restriction but I want to be able to provide him with a well-rounded approach to a healthy lifestyle. Sure, I'm going to have to buckle down and accept that he will eat a happy meal from *shudder* McDonald's at some point or another. He will eat horribly processed foods on occasion. He will have the occasional delicious home-baked cookies or cakes or pies or or or or....That all I have to accept. I cannot expect to provide only the most perfect nutrition for him. However...I don't want him eating over-processed, sugar & salt injected, laboratory-created, vitamin-enriched, food-coloring laden, over-packaged, shipped from across the world diet that is all the rage these days (according to the marketing). I also don't want to delve into the world of those so-called "health" foods, which are basically vitamin-stripped, processed foods with added vitamins and minerals that don't even occur naturally in the food. Fiber in Yogurt??! Now, what is that??!!! Since when did fiber occur naturally in yogurt? Add some muesli to your yogurt and you get the same thing (plus some more protein and iron).

I'm struggling though. I'm struggling because I need to find a way to provide that balance-- a healthy, nutrient-rich diet for my son with the occasional treat or occasional processed food or occasional fast food meal. I know I can't control it all. But I'm worried about the areas that I will have little jurisdiction - namely food in schools or daycare, the media impact on my son, etc.

Michelle Obama is taking this project under her wing (http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Health/michelle-obama-childhood-obesity-initiative/story?id=9781473 or http://www.letsmove.gov/) and I am thrilled that it's getting addressed with such seriousness. However, the 4 or so huge food corporations that control our diets these days have a lot of money, power, well-paid attorneys, etc. It scares me to think that the majority of the food we eat today is controlled by this type of money-hungry marketing.

I know what I can do to help my own family though. I can make sure my family has access to good preventative medical care. I believe preventative care (dental check-ups, routine physicals, health screenings, etc.) is one of the most important ways to prevent illness/disease as well as save money down the road. Preventative care can help to cut costs to insurance companies, thus reduce premiums, and cut costs to government-provided care. I can also make an effort to cook healthy meals for my family, prepare lunches in advance, teach healthy nutrition to my son, etc. And of course, keep the uber-processed, gm, non-wholesome food out of my house. Of course some ice cream or chips or cookies may slip through the cracks occasionally, and to be fair, that's ok too.

Welcome Party

I am so lucky to be able to greet this kid at the window every day after I get off work. He works up a grin when he recognizes me approach that takes up almost his entire face. I always nag Dave about putting Thurston in something other than pajamas everyday and he mocks me by dressing Thurston up in the most ridiculous mishmash outfits. I mean they are just shy of clown attire. I seriously don't know what he's thinking..... but it makes me laugh to see Thurston with his huge grin and in complete oblivion to the ridiculous ensemble his father put has him in.

It gets even better as I step inside the house. I barely have enough time to set down my bag before Thurston comes barreling at me at a turbo crawl. He's part laughing and part whining in excitement that he can't contain himself. If I am to actually walk past him without picking him up, he wrinkles up his face and starts wailing.

He acts the same when we visit Dave at work. At his first glance at his Dad, he breaks out into a huge grin, starts kicking his legs, coos, and jumps in my arms in excitement. It's probably the most puke-cute thing I've ever seen.