I woke up at 4:15 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I kept thinking about baby strollers, car seats, bottle nipples, nursing bras, gliders, diapers, onesies, etc. etc. etc. and baby registries. These images were violent and if I didn't get up now and figure it all out, I'd never get back to sleep. So I went online and redid all the items in my registry that were worrying me so. There are just so many things I worry about getting before the baby, it's hard to keep it all straight! After the baby showers, I can think of them as glorified shopping lists with all my preferences already selected out for me. After all my hemming and hawing, I finally settled on two registry locals: BabysRus and Target.
Anyway, apart from the neurotic I-can't-sleep-because-of-all-the-things-I-need-to-do-this-very-minute problem, I can't stop thinking about how incredibly lucky I am. Perhaps it's the pregnancy hormones that's turned me into a pile of mush, but I've basically been so ridiculously in love with life lately. Dave is so sweet and puts up with all my neurotic tendencies. His family has been so incredibly supportive. I can't wait to be able to meet them all at his brother's wedding in May with my little guy. My Dad is helping plan out a wedding that seems over and above everything that I'd ever expected (frankly, I'd have been happy renting out a campsite and holding a potluck!). I have wonderful network of friends that are almost as excited as I am about this baby-- even if I have not been as in touch with all of them as I ought to lately.
On a completely different topic, Angel brought up the question as to whether or not I was considering anesthetics during labor on one of my previous blogs. I've been considering just about everything. I've devoured every book I have on the topic and come to one conclusion: I don't like any of my options for anesthetics. I just can't help but think that labor is something to be experienced. Of course, this is coming from the non-experienced perspective. Overall though, I'm hardly nervous (surprising). I'm actually looking forward to it. I've been gaining a lot of confidence in my own abilities because of the prenatal yoga classes I'm taking. The teacher is a doula and training to become a midwife. Every class, she says something so inspiring about natural childbirth and I've really taken it to heart. We've practiced breathing techniques in class and working to let myself go. I'm devouring reading material on natural childbirth and have started drafting some birth plans that can help prepare me mentally and physically for it (although no preparation will ever be enough, I know). I know it'll be the most unbarable pain of my life but I feel like it's something to be experienced. I have to keep in mind, however, that there is no way to plan the perfect childbirth. If I am doomed for a C-section, then I'll have to face that when it comes. I'll probably scream bloody murder for pain medication at some point but I feel like I can get through it if I have positive support. Finally, if all else fails on the unmedicated front, my preference would be the low-dose, walking epidural. I don't ever want to be completely numbed that I can't feel anything.
I'm still wired but I know if I don't try and go back to sleep, I'm going to be a zombie all day.